New Goals

Coming into this new part of my life means reevaluating my goals and decisions, and so here are my new goals.

1) Put God first. (Take everything to him before anyone else.)

2) Continue my education constantly, learn something new every day.

3) Love and be loved. (Surround myself with people who love and encourage me and allow me to love and encourage them.)

4) Live a healthy lifestyle. (If I continue to lose weight that’s fine if not that’s fine too.)

5) Build a strong support system.

6) Keep my eyes on my goals. (Don’t let things distract me from doing what needs to be done.)

7) Keep adventure in my life. (Don’t allow myself to get so bogged down with work and school that I forget to experience life.)

8) Save money. (This is something I’m constantly struggling with.)

9) Reduce the amount of belongings I have. (There is so much more to life that what I own.)

10) Take time for myself to relax and have fun.

Discovery

“It is God's privilege to conceal things and the king's privilege to discover them.” Prov. 25:2 (NLT)

*creak* I slowly open the door with these words above them and step through to whatever lies on the other side. The room is dark except for the tiniest bit of light which is slowly diminishing as the door shuts behind me. What this room contains I do not know. I can hear birds chirping, insects buzzing, the sound of rushing winds and crashing waves but where I am or where I go I do not know for it is dark or I am blind. So I have set out to discover everything I can about this world I live in. I want to converse with trees and intimately know the workings of even the tiniest insect. I have set out to discover that which God has concealed in nature all around us. I have a feeling I may be in this room a long time.

Doors

I have been meaning to write this for awhile and I’m sorry that I have not.

Life is a journey this is my first and foremost belief above all others about this topic. If we do not learn and grow constantly then we do not truly live. Therefore the past few months I have been studying what I should do with this gift God has given me, and even what exactly that gift is. Who am I? What drives me? What am I called to do with the rest of my life? Because life is a journey the answers to these questions change, frequently. They grow and develop as we do. At each stage of our life the answers may be different and so we must change course with them. We must open new doors and see what lies within and then decide which door most matches with our answers to these question and go through it to experience fully whatever lies there.

Part of our problem is that we don’t want to know what our doors contain. We are scared. So we open the first door and go in assuming that the other doors could not contain anything better. Or we look in our friend’s, our family’s, anyone’s doors and bemoan the fact that our doors could not possible hold the wonders contained in their doors. We couldn’t possibly explore the existing and maybe even create a new door if need be. A new door requires tools that maybe we don’t have, or knowledge we lack. This is where friends and family are important maybe your friend has a hacksaw or your Dad may have a level. In building new ways around a problem together you all grow as individuals and as a team. Much pity I have for those who live in too much fear to overcome and open those doors to explore. Do they really think that God who loves and created them would not put in some beautiful doors? Yes some doors are hard and scary but those are usually the results our mistakes and God has put behind each one the most beautiful door of all, grace. So I challenge you to open your doors and go through. Even if you pick the wrong one that beautiful door will be there somewhere behind waiting for you.

Week 5

Alrighty, I think I’m going to be doing good to check in once a week. I’ve been so busy lately I just don’t have time to update the way I want to. Good news though is that I’m down 14.9 lbs from when I started. I’m beginning to be able to see it in my face I think. I went to the gym yesterday and used the treadmill for awhile before work. Today I’m going in to meet with a trainer who will help me set up a routine and show me how to use all the machines. Confession, I’m not doing that well with any of my goals but hey today is a new day and so I will try again. I’m still excited and happier with myself even when I fall a little short of my goals because at least I’m trying.

On a different note, I went and watched Eclipse this weekend and it was pretty good. I was expecting a lot more action and a little less mush though. Just like the first two movies its still mostly mushy gushy meh. Hung out with the guys on Sunday and had a blast. It felt so good to actually spend time with my friends again. Anyhow, I’m running out of things to type about so I guess: Have a GREAT week!

Week 4

Wow I can’t believe I’m already on Week 4. Last week I didn’t do so well, I didn’t eat right most of the week so surprise, surprise I gained a pound. This Monday I managed to jog for a total of 15 minutes and one of the jogs was 5 whole minutes. That may not sound like a lot but for me it’s the best I’ve done so far. Yesterday I went out hiking with a friend and we had an AWESOME day. We went up to Bald River Falls which is near Tellico. We hiked, played in the falls, talked, and had a picnic. I wore my newest hiking skirt managed to not rip it. I only fell and go hurt once but it’s just a bruise on my ankle. We had Cracker Barrel for breakfast and macaroni salad for lunch, followed by berry cobbler for supper. I loved swimming in a skirt seriously every girl should try it at least once. Anyway, so now I’m back to work for the next four days but I’m loving the overtime I’m getting this paycheck. Thanks for reading.

Week 3

Wow! I’m on the third week of this journey already. I’ve lost 12.75 lbs, and exercised a lot more than I’m used to. This morning I jogged 90 seconds and walked 90 seconds intermittently for 20 minutes! I honestly wasn’t sure I could do it but I did. Friday I got a cat named Lucy to keep me company. She is 5 years old, declawed, fixed, and housetrained. She is very sweet and affectionate. So far I feel really good about what I’ve accomplished. Each week has been different but I’ve made it so far. Here’s to another good week.

Life, Love, and the pursuit of Forgiveness

Forgiveness, this concept has been haunting me for awhile. What does it mean? How do you implement it in daily life? How can you forgive, not hold things against someone and at the same time protect yourself from getting hurt again?

While I haven't found all the answers, I have come across some stuff that has made me think and helped me clarify the importance of forgiveness. Therefore I will share some of my findings here, some random quotes, some Bible verses, and some of my own ramblings. Enjoy.

Forgive according to dictionary.com:

–verb (used with object)

1.

to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.);absolve.

2.

to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation,etc.).

3.

to grant pardon to (a person).

4.

to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.

5.

to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

Forgiveness Quotes:

Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your back yard, in which to bury the faults of your friends.--Henry Ward Beecher

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-- Mahatma Gandhi

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.--George Herbert

Resentment is like a glass of poison that a man drinks; then he sits down and waits for his enemy to die.—Unknown

Many people are afraid to forgive because they feel they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true. Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded intelligence to work with the situation more effectively. -- David McArthur & Bruce McArthur

Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me. --Sara Paddison

"Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business. Not to forgive is to yield oneself to another's control... to be locked into a sequence of act and response, of outrage and revenge, tit for tat, escalating always. The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured by the past. Forgiveness frees the forgiver. It extracts the forgiver from someone else's nightmare." - Lance Morrow

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. Louis B. Smedes

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule. ~Lewis B. Smedes

Bible Verses:

Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive]. Colossians 3:13 The Amplified Bible

Judge not [neither pronouncing judgment nor subjecting to censure], and you will not be judged; do not condemn and pronounce guilty, and you will not be condemned and pronounced guilty; acquit and forgive and [Literal translation.] release (give up resentment, let it drop), and you will be acquitted and forgiven and [Literal meaning.] released. Luke 6:37 The Amplified Bible

My Thoughts such as they are:

Forgiveness is an important part of the healing process. When you forgive someone it does not mean that you allow them to continue to hurt you, it means that you quit allowing them to have control over you. Bitterness and grudges can eat you up from the inside out but don't really affect the person you are mad at. The best way to move on and allow yourself to progress is to forgive those who have hurt you. That doesn't mean you become their doormat but you do give them the chance to earn your trust back. If they lie to or hurt you again you just start them back at square one. You don't bring up everything they have ever done to you but you don't trust them until they have earned that trust back. Its a long process that you can't do by yourself, every time those bad feelings pop up you have to give them to God and ask for his help to take the bitterness away. Otherwise you become like this person:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atBg9zLI2bA

Anyway I'm done rambling... Would love to hear your thoughts on this topic... Especially you Mom cause you explain it way better than I did...

Goals...

Everyone should have goals or at least so my counselors/mentors tell me. 6 month to 1 year goals, 5 year goals, and ten year goals. So here are my 5 and 10 year current goals (all goals are subject to change, they are not legal or binding contracts).

5 year goals:

Complete at least half of a four-year degree

Earn my Master Guide (get invested at Oshkosh in 2014)

Get involved in reenacting

Have $5000 in savings

Run a marathon

10 year goals:

Earn a Masters degree

Own a house

Write a book

Have 500 birds on my lifelist (currently 248)

Have 300 birds on my TN list (currently 188)

Week 2 - Day 1

Today was a good day. I got up and got the brakes on the truck fixed, so no more worries there. Then I had lunch with a good friend. We had Domino's pizza with onions and peppers. So good. After lunch I helped my great aunt by running a few errands for her. At about 5 pm my friend and I went for a jog/walk, followed by another slice of pizza. And I still came in under my points for the day!!!! It was official weightwatchers weigh in day and I weighed in at 7.5 lbs under my start weight!!! Now I'm home and gonna chill for awhile then go to bed early so I can jog/walk again in the morning.

Summery of Week 1

Ok so I have so far lost 8.5 lbs, exercised 4 days this past week, and drank more water than I have in years. I have managed to do my devotions each day. I didn't get much accomplished as far as cleaning though but I still have a few days before it has to be completely clean. I didn't wear any makeup this week but I really didn't have any need for it. So far though I'd say overall I'm sticking to my goal better than I'd hoped. I went for a walk/jog this morning and I'm already to stage 2 of the C25k. I jogged 60 seconds and walked 90 seconds. The thrill of what I've accomplished is beyond words. Oh yeah and with the exception of one day this week I've come in under points in weightwatchers which isn't really as good as it sounds but its better than coming in over.

Day 3 & 4

Ok so yesterday I didn't do so well. I ran out of time to exercise and I ran over my points on weightwatchers. But today is a new day, I got up this morning to do my C25k. I couldn't believe the impact one day of exercise can make, Tues when I did my 30 sec. jogs I didn't get as tired and out of breath, and I actually wanted to jog. Something about those 30 sec. increments is very relaxing and freeing. I can't wait till I'm able to just go out and run. So far today I'm keeping to my points so I think yesterday was just a bad day. Here's to an even better day tomorrow.

Day 2 - morning

So I did it. I got up at 6 am (give or take a few minutes of trying to sleep in) and completed my workout. I just had a breakfast of cheerios and yogurt. Now I think I'm gonna take a little nap. Oh yeah I weighed in yesterday at 232 so I'm already losing weight, YAY!

Day 1

So its the first day of my exercise routine/diet and so far I haven't failed yet. Yay me! I got off to a shaky start by waking up at 9 am instead of 6 am but I still managed to finish exercising and my devotions by 10:30ish I've drank 24 oz of water so far and its only 11:10. So so far so good. I'm about to go cook lunch of couscous with spaghetti sauce and garlic, salad, and an apricot. Maybe some yogurt too since I kinda skipped breakfast. (Bad Linda.) So heres to a good start and a better tomorrow.

Giving Back...

I watched a movie last night called Beyond Borders, its about a woman becomes involved in refugee work. The pictures of the suffering in other countries really touched me and made me think. I play a game called World of Warcraft it charges $15 a month to play, thats $180 a year! I could help someone and maybe make a difference with that money. Not a big difference but a dent then maybe the person I helped could make a dent by helping the people around them and eventually maybe it would be a bigger dent.

So I have concocted a few plans on where to start helping people:

I'm giving my WoW account away and giving that money to ADRA to:

Save a Girl from becoming a child bride - $20/month

I've joined Pound for Pound which donates 14 cents to the local food back for every pound of weight I lose.

Play Freerice.com for 30 minutes a day at least 3 days a week. They donate 10 grains of rice for every definition you get correct. Vocabulary boost for me, rice for the hungry = win/win.

Plans and schemes

I decided to make things a little more interesting and challenge a friend to see who could loose more weight over the summer. The loser has to work out with the winner for one week (unless they complain which adds a week for each complaint). So I have devised a plan of action which will probably make me very tired and grumpy until I get used to it. I am going to post my schedule for next week so I don't have to look five million places to find it. I'm using three programs WeightWatchers, Freetrainers.com, and C25k.

I'm just going to show Monday and Tuesday and will do the same things alternating until the next Sunday. Sabbaths will be my day off.

Monday June 14

6 am Freetrainers.com

Set 1

15 pushups

15 side laterals

15 Squats

15 Can Curls

Set 2

15 pushups

15 side laterals

15 Squats

15 Can Curls

Set 3

12 pushups

12 side laterals

12 Squats

12 Can Curls

Set 4

10 pushups

10 side laterals

10 Squats

10 Can Curls

50 reps on biceps trainer

7 am Breakfast

7:30am Nap

9 am Wake up and follow normal routines

Tues June 15

6 am Couch 2 5k

Brisk five-minute warmup walk.

Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

7 am Breakfast

7:30 am Nap

9 am Wake up and follow normal routines

The Beginning

I have decided to work towards bettering myself, to quit worrying about what other people want from me, and to work towards what I want for myself. Some of my goals may seem simple or silly but they are things I need to do. I'm journaling this journey for two reasons 1) I'll be accountable to those who read it 2) I'll have something to look back on later to help me remember where I started and where I'm going.

So a little about me now:

I'm 23 years old

I weigh 235 lbs give or take a shoe

I work at Siskin Hospital

I go to church most weeks but I don't do regular devotions

I do not exercise except for the parts of my work that count as such

I'm horrible with money I can't seem to keep a budget or save

My goals starting June 14, 2010:

By March 1, 2011 I will:

1. Loose 50 lbs

a. Using WeightWatchers and exercise

2. Run a 5k race

a. Using the Couch 2 5k plan

3. Go back to school

a. Apply for Chatt State by July 1^st 2010

b. Take one class this fall

4. Have $1000 in savings

5. Clean my apartment completely by July 1^st 2010

a. Keep it clean by spending 30 mins a day 3 days a week cleaning

6. Finish a story

7. Spend 30 minutes a day doing devotions

8 .Wear makeup twice a week

9.Go Birdwatching once a month

10. Drink 64 oz of water a day